IwantToBePope.com

The throne is getting free

I already have the beard for the job and the idea to stop terrorism

My Program

after re-establishing my papal infallibility
   

  • Thursday, Friday, Saturday AND Sunday will be declared non-working days and paid in full by the employers

  • Sexual sins will not have to be confessed anymore

  • Smoking will be again allowed everywhere, including on airplanes, lifts, coffee shops, restaurants, etc...

  • Every one voting for me

  • will receive one million Dollars provided by large corporations

  • will never pay income tax anymore to any government

  • will be allowed to speed on highways

  • will get a free lottery ticket for every draw

  • Men will be allowed to have 2 wives AND 3 mistresses

  • For discrimination purposes, women will be allowed 3 husbands AND 4 simultaneous lovers (they get more as I need their vote)

  • Bachelors will be restricted to 36 mistresses per year. This number will be doubled if at least 12 of the 36 mistresses reside in different countries

  • As again I need their vote, non married women will be allowed an unlimited number of lovers and will not be required to remember their name, but they will have to pay a tax should they exceed 52 per year

  • Sexual harassment of men by women will be tolerated. Sexual harassment of women by men will need my papal authorization

  • As pope, I will reinstate to my sole advantage the "Droit du Seigneur" (droit de cuissage in French), as, too busy running the Vatican, I will not have the time to run around and chase women

  • I will bring back the Borgia era

  • And so many other things that even your imagination cannot think of !

  • Funds for my term in office, will have to be provided by large corporations such as Coca-Cola, Pepsi-Cola, Microsoft, Apple, Intel, Face Book, Mc Donald's etc... who will be authorized to use the "by appointment to the Pope" logo on their products. Otherwise they will be subject to a fine and a boycott

   

  • Special new papal charia: rapist will see their penis cut off; thieves their hand, liars their tongue, drunks their stomach removed. Drug lords, sellers and resellers will have their head cut off as from their first offense

  • Latin will be reinstated as an inter-Christian language while Hebrew will become the official Vatican language. Prayers will be in Aramean

  • The "maisons closes" for men will be reopened all over the world and every city will have its "Red Light District"

  • "Maisons closes" for women will be established for the first time in history (as I need women's votes...)

  • I will personally run the Banco di Santo Spirito (Bank of the Holy Spirit) founded in 1605 and will have sole signature

  • I will impose peace in the world "by force" and the Swiss Guards will be trained for this special mission

  • I will lunch a new world religious program but will only let you know the details after my election

  • An finally, every one around the world who will not have voted for me will have to pay a weekly fine of 100$ by direct transfer to my new papal account with Banco di Santo Spirito

  • But it not really all. Send me your suggestions. if they are really fun, I will add them

Virgins will not be admitted anymore in heaven.

This will definitely stop terrorism

 
 

Pour appuyer et approuver my candidature à la papauté CLIQUEZ ICI

To sustain and approve my application as the next Pope CLICK HERE
   

   
   

 

Seriously: I did apply in writing for the papal position when Paul VI passed away in August 1978, as the rules had changed and it was not necessary anymore to be a cardinal to be elected.

I had just moved to Paris from South Africa and was watching television (Paris in August is dead) when I saw the white smoke and was very disappointed not to have received a phone call saying that I was the new elected Pope (anyhow the elected Jean-Paul 1st lived just a few weeks. I probably escaped his destiny).

My reasoning was simple: the Cardinals might not agree on someone and will pick up a totally unknown applicant on the basis that he would be better than anyone they know.

I have not reapplied since, too busy outside the Vatican. Now that I am old enough to apply, white hair, white beard, I am applying again, but less seriously this time, and only on the Internet.

Guess that all the cardinals will be checking the Internet for ideas, and my application will come handy.

Who knows, it might work... "Les voies du Seigneur sont impénétrables"